I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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