I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
