I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
NoShamevember. You game?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
