You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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