I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Randomize
