Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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