So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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