Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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