strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
