his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You took a bar mat shot.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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