The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
