She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
