she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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