I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I am one with the molecules
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
