ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
