I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
