Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
