I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
