did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
pray to the hookup gods
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
