I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
