The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
No...this little piggys going to the bar
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
