R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
