I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
