Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I cut my penus on the lid.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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