It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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