this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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