Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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