life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I miss vodka workout Fridays
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
