you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
