Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
