Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
