I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Boobs are out for the taking
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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