I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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