Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
