I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
