Pappa wants mamma naked
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
areolas are like halos for boobs.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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