dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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