Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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