my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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