i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
that is very illegal...i love you.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
