Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
