i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You should frame my arrest warrant.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
