this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
