Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Ketchup is God's man juice
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
