The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
can u get pink eye on your cock?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
