Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
