He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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