i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
