does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
