I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My life is pants optional.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
