Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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